THE BEER
Drink the damn thing already....
It's the perfect season for beer. Everything is on the table. The summer beers are off the shelves and replaced with the holy of holy, the triumverate, Octoberfest, Pumpkin, and Winter Warmers. Plan to stock up on some low ABV UK beer as well, for breakfast, Guiness for the traditional folk, Boddingtons for the rest. There should also be whiskey, bourbon and scotch. Buy a lot, of everything.
BREAKFAST BEER
'I hear her voice, in the Morning hour she calls me...' The Siren song is always strongest when you start. Take heart, be strong, you don't need the fancy local Double Imperial IPA brew, and don't let anyone talk you into more than one early moring whiskey shot. Its 7:45AM and you are an adult. Honor the tradition. The English did not give us much, language, a legal system, an egg wrapped in sausage, aside. They did give us creamy, sessionable, low alcohol beer. Which is strange, because there is at least a five hour time diffrence on the EPL games, so they are drinking it in the afternoon/evening. So pop your oddly sized Guiness and dump it into your pint glass. As it fills and tumbles, take a moment and feel your day in that glass, all at once the weight of the moment crushing down upon you and yet, yet, somehow, soething fights back and rises above. You need this start, it's tradition. The day is seeped in tradition and that first pop of cans to a day of soccer and college football, to Fútbol y Football, it is a sacred and holy moment shared by you, your friends (mates), mother mary, and perhaps the guys from Men in Blazers (to which we owe so much - GFOP's around).
BOURBON/WHISKEY/SCOTCH
Take one, every two hours, for the first six hours, 8AM. 10AM. 12PM, the open the floodgates, bearing in mind, it is bourbon/whiskey/scotch and the PAC doesn't kick off until 9:15. Some people may voice objection to the prejudice FyF shows towards the Brown. Many perfectly fine people drink Vodka, but they should not be invited to your FyF day. They may bring hummus. Although, although, a bacon sandwich with jalepeno hummus and peppers might make the cut. Use your discretion.
MID DAY BEER
Just as the sun reaches its peak and begins its decent, you have decisions to make. Always the master of your destiny, this block of time will largely define your day. You can go high test, and start into some pumpkin beer. It's cold enough out, its Fall enough out, you've been raking leaves, kids are in school , traffic sucks again, you can't play golf after 7PM, so no one will shake their head. But that high test might put you out, draped across an oversized stuffed unicorn at 3:30PM, so tread lightly. The smart play may be the Octoberfests or the Marzens. It lines up perfect with the season and German engineering is a thing of beauty. Maybe you love the IPA, we have it in spades in the states, and it would be a gutsy play, but with high risk, perhaps, comes high reward. But most likely you will also be draped over the unicorn.
EVENING BEER
Miller lite and water. Miller is union made and you should drink it. You shouldn't be drinking but water and pepto bismol anyway at this point if you did it right.
GOING HOME
If you aren't draped over a unicorn or soiling a leather recliner with your drool, and Oregon is playing, you have made it - you won. Now it's time to call a cab, take some selfies with the shells of your passed out friends, stuff your pockets with the best of the leftover snacks, perhaps take a road soda for the trip, and go home. Don't drive, while many, many lawyers love FyF and buy their beer with hard won DUI defense cash, leave that easy money for the NASCAR folks.